Archive for December, 2011

5 Lessons for the New Year I learned while shaving my head…

Posted: December 31, 2011 in advice/how to, change, goals, overcoming obstacles, personal development, Uncategorized
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For the last 3 weeks I have been shaving my head in order to save money. It makes no sense to pay $10 for somebody to do something so simple. What I didn’t realize is how much doing this simple task would teach me lessons about myself and life. I want to offer the thoughts to take with you into the New Year.

Believe in Yourself

For the longest time I have been contemplating shaving my head instead of going to a barber. I just didn’t get around to it because I am not the most dexterous person on the planet and imagined myself really doing a crummy job. This is something that has been a barrier to reaching other goals as well and it was only until a few weeks ago that I decided to believe that I could do it. This was such a breakthrough because I had been stuck thinking that I could not accomplish such a simple task. It was a revelation because it revealed how much I didn’t believe in myself for some of the other larger goals and tasks that I wanted to complete in life. I mean if shaving my own head created so much fear in me then what other things were being postponed through fear. I want to do a lot of big things and I never realized how much those were so far away from being done because I could not even believe in myself to do a lot of small things. Thousands of people do it every day but in this simple act I received the knowledge that allows us as humans to live out our best and brightest potential: Believe in yourself!

Take action and fear disappears

As soon as I ran the clippers across the top of my head I realized there was no turning back. The deed was done. You know what else was done. My fear. It vanished the moment I began shaving my head. The reason: Once you take action then you do not have time to be afraid. There is no space to allow fear to grip you. You have already begun executing the task and taking steps toward the goal. The fear that once held you back is now behind you. This means that the best thing we can do when it comes to seeing our goals and dreams reached is take that first step. Whatever it is. Get on the treadmill. It doesn’t matter how fast you go just get on it! Start typing. It doesn’t matter if you have 300 more pages to go and none of it makes sense. Just do it! Go without cigarettes for one day. Just take that first step and watch the fear disappear.

Always get another perspective

As I was cutting I could not see the whole of my head. There was a point where I needed to get the hair from behind my ears and on the back of my head and I had no help. I tried my hardest to just go with it and shave blindly hoping that if I went over it enough times then I would have done a pristine job. After a while I thought I should just go to bed I’m sure I shaved it off and made it even with the other parts (laziness!). Then I stopped and said what is making you not just ask Yvette for help. So I thought about it and I realized that underneath it all: I wanted to live in denial. I wanted to choose to believe in something that I did not have any evidence for when I could have received the necessary feedback from someone right near me. Sometimes this can happen with larger goals. We can choose to believe we are doing a great job but never get feedback from those closest to us. It is always good to get another perspective. So go see a trainer, a counselor, a respected friend or mentor and get the necessary feedback you need to reach your goals.

Some mistakes are easy to fix and some aren’t

As with all of life some mistakes are easy to fix and some aren’t. The first few times I shaved my head I did an excellent job. I always had to go to Yvette to figure out if I missed some spots or if it was even. These mistakes were easy to fix and I just needed to go over them with the clippers a few more times. On the other hand the third time I shaved my head I actually shaved my skin off and had a sore in the front of my head. It is still there right now and I have had to endure looking like  I have a patch of hair in the front of my head. This is a mistake that is not easy to fix. I have to wait until my skin heals and it has been painful just looking at it every morning :(

Sometimes in life there are easy course corrections we can make: I have been eating a few too many sweets. Cut back. I spent a little more than I should have this Christmas. Ok save up in January. Work a second job for a few months. There are other mistakes that cannot be easily fixed: I have been eating a few too many sweets for years and now I have diabetes. I have loads of credit card debt and school debt. I have been smoking for years and I have to get checked out for lung cancer. These aren’t easy fixes. That’s not to say that these things can’t be fixed it just means that it will take a longer and a greater amount of money and labor to fix them if they can be fixed at all. Right now is the best time to concentrate on doing the easy fixes so you don’t have to deal with the bigger problems down the road. That’s why I’m eating better and exercising-not as a New Year’s resolution but as a life decision-so I don’t have to fix a difficult mistake later.

You always get another chance

As I look at my hair grow back and my skin heal I am realizing that life is so generous to us. No matter how many mistakes you make you have numerous opportunities to course correct. I realize these days how much I was blinded by envy and ambition when I was younger and I squandered the early years of my marriage. But I have another chance and I am taking advantage of it by loving and enjoying my wife. I could have been more disciplined in my eating habits and avoided a growing gut and a few trips to the doctor. But I still have the chance to be healthy. Wherever you are right now in pursuit of your goals be grateful that you have the opportunity to pursue them. You may think it’s too late but you always have another chance. As long as there is breath in your lungs you can make decisions that lead to wholeness and success. 2012 is going to be a great year for taking advantage of the opportunities that life has given you.

Happy New Year!

No resolutions for 2012

Posted: December 28, 2011 in advice/how to, focus, goals, life hack, overcoming obstacles, personal development
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It’s funny how comments from strangers can make you think. You know the random comments. The comments that stick with you even days later because underneath what is so random is a kernel of truth. The other day just before leaving the gym one of the regulars asked me if I was “puttin in work.” I immediately answered that I just did. I felt good about my workout and the fact that I was following through with my goal of getting in better shape (soon I will post on what that looks like). What really stood out to me was his reply: Make sure it lasts after Christmas. When he said it I was struck with the fact that this goal of getting in shape was not made for the New Year. It was made in October during our time at the Vineyard Pastor’s Sabbatical Retreat. It was made not just for the New Year but for a new life.

I think sometimes talk of new year’s resolutions gets old because it is based on the year and not based on our lives. It is a resolution that ultimately fails because it is time bound and not life bound. Think about it. We resolve to lose weight and eat healthier every year. We buy bran muffins and asparagus. We get gym memberships and new workout clothes but by February and sometimes the second week of January we are back to supersizin it on a regular basis. Why? It is because our desired change is based on New Year’s resolutions and not New Life decisions.

I do not have any resolutions for 2012. I am already full speed ahead with my goals for life:

  • I have started my workout plan
  • I have already begun to write my book and am about to finish the first chapter in a few days.

I am making progress because these things come from a place deep inside of me and not from an external clock or ritualized calendar. They are simply what I want and I have decided to go after them. So no resolutions for me in 2012. Just a continuing of putting my hand to the plow and not looking back.

Instead of focusing on resolutions this year Here’s a better way to see change happen in your life:

  • Sit down with a paper and pen
  • Take some space and time to let some of your deepest desires surface.
  • Write down the one that is most important right now
  • Whatever that thing is pursue it with all your might.

That’s what is driving me and motivating me to go to the gym in rain and snow. I love this method because it makes the change about you and what you really want and not some moralistic guilt ridden promise that you made to yourself simply because the earth moved around the sun one more time! So no resolutions in 2012 for me. Just some awesome life decisions.

Finished my thesis….Now What???

Posted: December 15, 2011 in goals, personal, personal development, sabbath, Uncategorized
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Look for the white blaze!

Last week after months of blood, sweat, and tears I opened my Fuller account. Attached a file to an email for my faculty mentor and pressed send. It was the culmination of 4 years of assignments, a program change, moving across the city and then across the country. After numerous interviews and edits and revisions I finally sent in my Master of Arts in Intercultural Studies writing project.

Consequently all this week that’s all I have been talking about. I can’t help but let people know that I am finished. But after I let them know the inevitable question comes up: What’s next? Personally I am just satisfied resting in the glory of my accomplishments. I have learned that I need to rest in the present moment before jumping into something else wholeheartedly. And as I am resting I am planning and thinking and preparing.

“What’s next?” you ask. I am planning on hiking a section of the Appalachian trail here in Pennsylvania otherwise known as Rocksylvania to the many hikers who have conquered the terrain and paid the price with their boots. Why do I want to hike the trail?

3 reasons:

1. I have always wanted to hike the most beautiful trails in every part of the world. This is just a warm up. I have so many on my list (simien mountains national park in Ethiopia, the japanese alps, samaria gorge on the island of Crete, the campostela in spain, Cinque Terre in Italy)

2. It is a good motivator to get in shape. The last hike I went on took 8 hrs instead of the standard 4 because I was huffing and puffing.

3. Seeing that I am in a season of learning self care it is a good next goal that has nothing to do with anyone else but me.

So that’s my next goal. My next step is hitting up Planet Fitness tomorrow and hitting the treadmill and the stepper.

Also I am up in the air on which section of the trail I should hike. Maybe you can help me.

This one: Clark Creek to Swatara Gap

or This one: Blue Mountain Ridge

or This one: Fox Gap to Delaware Water Gap

I want something challenging but also exciting. Not just boring rocks.

Oh yeah one more thing. If you are in the Central/Eastern Pennsylvania area in late April to early May then please come and join me! (more…)

4 ways to get the most out of life!

Posted: December 3, 2011 in advice/how to, inspiration, life hack, personal development
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Getting the most out of life

Sometimes life can seem like the same old thing. You’re born. You pay taxes. You die. You go to work eight hours a day. You commute back and forth. You go to sleep. And you do this same thing for 30-40 years.

It may seem boring and monotonous but life was not designed for boredom and monotony. Now back in the day this would have been ok. You would have gotten married at 14 or 16. You would have already started backbreaking work on a farm or in a mine and died around 30 or 40. Life was filled with suffering but at least it wasn’t prolonged suffering. Studies show that Americans are living longer and if we are living longer let’s not waste all that time being bored and unsatisfied.  Here is how you can get the most out of life:

Appreciate what u have

This is one area where we can miss out the most. We do not enjoy the things that we already have. Start with the basic essentials to life. Like breathing. This is why I love breathing meditation or breath prayer. It brings you back to the essence of what it means to be alive. Today if you do not have a penny to your name or any friends to call on the one thing you do have is life.

On top of that if you are in the United States you have more than most everyone in the world. The problem is that as much as we are privileged in this country we do not enjoy our lives. We are always grasping for something more. I can remember being in Ethiopia and noticing that many of the poorest people there were the most happy. They may not have had running water but they had joy because appreciated what they had: family, friends, breath in their lungs. Life can be taken for granted so much that we forget to really live. Appreciate what u have. Life itself.

Know what you want

Have you ever been to a restaurant and didn’t know what to order? There are so many choices on the menu nowadays that it’s hard to know what to choose. You usually end up getting something that is less than satisfactory. Why? Because you didn’t go in with a definite purpose and plan to eat a specific thing. Whatever you ordered didn’t measure up because you really didn’t want it in the first place.

By knowing what we want we bypass all the substitutes for happiness and satisfaction. Many of these things are false expectations given to us by the media or our culture.There are many who have said they climbed the ladder of success only to realize they were on the wrong wall. If you are killing yourself, ruining your relationships, and not enjoying the time God has given you on this green earth chasing after an elusive dream of more money, power, fame or just plain more it helps to know whether it is really what you want. For most people in the world (about 99%) it is not worth it. If you talk to many of the most successful and satisfied people in the world you will find out that they are successful and satisfied not by chasing after those things mentioned above but by being themselves and pursuing their passion that burns in their heart. The people who get the most out of life are the ones who truly know what they want out of life.

Be childlike

One thing that I have noticed over the years is that the people who are the most “mature” are oftentimes the most unhappy. It is sad to see people become stuffy and sad because they think it is an inevitable process of aging. Like the song says “Age aint nothin but a number” and the people who I have seen get the most out of life do not relegate themselves to acting a certain age. Now don’t get me wrong. They are not naive or irresponsible. I am not talking about the 56 year old lady up in the club and droppin it like it’s hot (or lettin it down like it’s lukewarm). No! That’s not being childlike. That’s just being unaware of how ridiculous you look. I am talking about something much more sublime like embracing the world as a child. When we are filled with childlike awe and wonder we can extract joy from the simple things in life and shake off those things that weigh us down. Have you ever notice children seem to play with some of the strangest things like cardboard or cut up pieces of carpet? It’s because the have a sense of wonder about the world around them. Maybe we should take a cue.

Think adventure

False expectations can make life unsatisfactory. Part of this is due to ideas from our culture and our families. One of those ideas is that the goal of life is safety and security. Most commercials and sitcoms thrive off of appealing to the masses with this deep seated yet misdirected desire. These things are illusory and will always escape us. Many folks thought they had safety and security before the 2008 recession/depression. That idea was torn down fast when they had to leave their homes or were laid off from their jobs. There is no ultimate safety and security. A good job will not give you security. A nice comfy neighborhood will not give you safety. This is life: Anything can happen! Why chase after a dream that will never materialize?

Newsflash: Life is not a quiet green meadow! Life is not a less smiley faced version of Pleasantville! It is a roller coaster ride! it is a trip through the jungle with wild animals lurking behind every corner. Some folks would say that is what they want to avoid and others would say that is what they want to step into. Why? Because the moment you realize life is not intended to give you safety, comfort, or security is the moment you really start living!When it comes to life. Think adventure!!! You were not made for a peaceful boat ride in a stream. You were made to weather life’s storms and waves! Think adventure and life gets exciting and satisfying!

How do you take advantage of the life you’ve been given?