Archive for August, 2012

Naming my addictions pt 1

Posted: August 27, 2012 in bible, culture, faith, personal, spirituality
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I remember seeing them about once every week. Crackheads. Junkies. Addicts. This isn’t that hard when you grow up in back of a crack motel. The Wagon Wheel was the name of it and all along Atlantic Boulevard were the emaciated bodies of countless victims of crack and heroin. They would walk at an accelerated pace. Scratching frantically. Looking through you with glassed over eyes. Sometimes begging for change or selling obviously stolen goods. And you pitied them.

Years later I realize there is not that much difference between us. The only difference is our drug of choice. I am an addict. We are all addicts. We all reach for things that make us feel not so lonely. Not so worthless. Not so abandoned and left to ourselves. We all have a hunger and a thirst in our hearts that need to be satisfied. We are all trying to medicate the pain. I choose food, knowledge, sex, and now social media. And the only difference between these and crack cocaine is the physical intensity and the stigma. Some addictions are more socially acceptable than others. So rather than be unaware or live in denial I will name my addictions. Because in naming themI will bring them to light and take away their power. Not just for me but for all of us because we all are addicts in one way or another.

To be continued……

Why I haven’t given up on church

Posted: August 25, 2012 in bible, church, faith, personal, spirituality
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    After seeing so much failure and disappointment some have chosen to drop out of attending church in whatever shape or form. The weight of a group not living up to its own standards or the empty meaninglessness of their own tradition had proven to be too much. So instead of being overwhelmed and capsized they have chosen to abandon ship. I understand their dilemma and their angst but I can’t say that I agree with their solution.
    I can’t give up on church because our growth in our faith is explicitly tied to being a part of a community that spurs us on to love each other and love God. And the only way to know that I am doing either is to walk this journey with real flesh and blood people. God has given us the opportunity to do that through gathering a bunch of folks together who can argue, disagree, backstab, gossip, and generally say some of the dumbest things that can be said. That’s a laboratory for love if I ever heard of one.
    I can’t give up on the church because she is Jesus’ bride. The church is broken. The church has done some pretty messed up things. The church can seem petty, backwards, and trivial but the issue at stake is that Jesus loved the church. He loved her so much that he died for her and bought her with his own blood (Acts 20:28). The church is valuable to Jesus so it is valuable to me
    I can’t give up on the church because if I give up on the church then I give up on myself. I judge others for things that I do and end up sitting in the same seat of condemnation (Matthew 7:1-5). It locks me up in self righteousness and keeps me away from grace and acceptance.
    So instead of giving up on church I have decided to love the church, warts and all. Love the tradition. Love the people. Love the weakness. Love the faults and flaws. And the only way I can do that is to lower my expectations. To recognize that the only way to love the church is to love Jesus even more. To love him because he is my Life (Colossians 3:4) and that because we live in this present age with flawed human beings they will disappoint and not live up to my expectations.
    That being said I won’t bury myself in church work or events. I won’t always jump to defend the church. And I’m working on not getting so upset when some person or group in the church does something I don’t agree with. Why? Because I love the church but I love Jesus more and she will never become an addiction again.

Finding Your “Come Alive” Switch

Posted: August 24, 2012 in faith, inspiration, personal, spirituality
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    “The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.”-Frederick Buechner
    Racing down 19 yesterday I found myself empty. Angry. Frustrated. Half dead. Running on fumes. Not only was I physically tired but I was exhausted in spirit. It’s the kind of thing that hits me every so often when I get slammed on all fronts: work, family, faith. I’m sure you’ve been there.
    So in the midst of searching for tracing paper in order to comply with PA laws for out of state registration (a long story) I was led into Michael’s Arts and Crafts store. At first I was focused. Deadset on finding the tracing paper that eluded me at 2 different office supply stores. Then it happened. I was overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by colors. By symmetry. By shading and lines. By ideas. By pictures and figures. It hit me with the force of a wave. A still small voice inviting me to create. And I accepted the invitation. And the pencils all cried out “Come alive!” And the markers all cried out “Come alive!” And all the paints cried out “Come alive!” The clay cried out “Come alive!” The beads and stickers all cried out “Come alive!”
    See when you find your “come alive” switch you won’t have to ask anyone whether you found it or not. You just know it. It’s the “deep calling to deep” (Psalm 42:7). So I left Michael’s with an insatiable desire to create. I have to create. I must create. Poems. Drawings. Songs. Books. This is my “come alive” switch. And although I ended up getting my registration done through AAA it doesn’t matter because I know going into Michael’s was all part of the plan ;)

Psalm 88, John Lee Hooker, and Tupac Shakur

Posted: August 21, 2012 in bible, church, faith, spirituality
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    Whenever somebody mentions the blues I picture juke joints and moonshine deep down in the swamps of the South. I picture a man in a fedora putting out his cigarette before he grabs his fender and transfers all of his emotions into a song about lost love. That’s the blues.
    And I never thought the Psalms would help me to understand the blues. The psalms are about God and how great he is. They’re about the awesomeness of God not the randomness of our suffering. But when I look at the Psalms of lament particularly Psalm 88 I begin to think that B.B. King and John Lee Hooker produce something that is very lacking in our journey with God. Lament. Sadness. Mourning. “But wait! Don’t the psalms always end with a praise or acknowledgement of God’s greatness?” Not this one. It is all complaint and bitterness. The last line is a resignation to the reality of suffering:
    You have caused my beloved and my friend to shun me; my companions have become darkness. (Psalm 88:18 ESV)
    That’s it. No resolution. No triumphal note to leave us with. Just the cold statement of someone who feels alone in the universe.
    James Cone says in his book God of the Oppressed that
    “In the blues black people sing about the tragic side of life and artistic expression of tragedy as the means for transcending it.”

    I believe the church as a whole has not sang or talked about the tragic side of life enough. And if we can’t sing about it then how can we transcend it. Part of the appeal that the blues carries is that it’s not all bright and shiny it does not deny the messy and ugly parts of life that don’t quite fit. This is part of the appeal that Tupac and other rappers songs carried. They could express the tragic in order to transcend the tragic.
    Could we ever see this happening in a worship service? A blues layered lament. A song of mourning. Some would say no because it would kill the mood and Christians are supposed to be joyful. Or they would get theological and say that we are a new creation and Christ has triumphed over our suffering. We need to be speak words of hope and joy and victory.
    I would say that what we need are both songs because we live in a now and not yet world. We sing about the tragic suffering of life because we live in that place-the now. We sing of the awesomeness of God because we experience a foretaste of the not yet.
    What do you think? Is lament an appropriate form of worship? Should it be done in public or private? Do you see the connection between the psalms, blues, and some hip hop songs?

Why I didn’t eat Chic Fil A on August 1st, 2012

Posted: August 3, 2012 in bible, church, culture, faith, justice, sex, spirituality
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I did not eat Chic Fil A on yesterday and I probably never will again…

Not because I don’t believe in free speech. As a matter of fact I do but in this case no one’s free speech was threatened. In America when you exercise freedom of speech expect to be criticized, boycotted etc. The first amendment only protects you from government suppression. Read more about it here

Not because I am liberal. I refuse to be put into that category. I believe in many things that would classify me as right wing and many things that would put me on the left end of the spectrum. This is a consequence of following Jesus who defies the categories of American politics.

Not because I want to avoid persecution. Let’s get one thing straight: Christian persecution is a reality. But people not wanting to buy your chicken sandwiches because of your beliefs is not the same as being imprisoned or tortured. And while we are at it to support some of the organizations Chic Fil A supports invites criticism.

But because I want to be like Jesus. Jesus’ message centered on the kingdom of God and his life was the embodiment of it. One of the hallmarks of this kingdom was love and justice for everyone including the homosexual. My allegiance to this kingdom far outweighs my right to free speech or a chicken sandwich.

Because I am not committed enough to “the least of these”. I confess that I have no right to arrogantly poke fingers at other people when I have not done enough on my part to serve those who are poor and marginalized which is the way people in the early church were identified as Christians.

Because I want to use my mealtimes to be with “sinners” and not to condemn them. There are more productive ways to engage this issue than to be swept up in the culture wars of the powers that be. Jesus took another route and chose to eat with those whom society deemed as unacceptable.

August 1st, 2012 was a massive fail for the church. I pray that more eyes will be opened to a better way to show our commitment to Jesus.