Archive for the ‘personal development’ Category

Best quotes of the week

Posted: December 22, 2012 in advice/how to, change, focus, life hack, overcoming obstacles, personal development, quotes
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I love quotes. Quotes are a treasure to be mined and the nectar of a well thought life. Quotes can change your perspective, turn the lights on, and affirm what you already knew but couldn’t quite put into words. In other words quotes can change your life.
As a discipline I file away quotes and illustrations that I find add value to my life and the goals that I am reaching. Here are five that made the cut for this week:

“The thing is, that everything was impossible until somebody did it.” – Scott Dinsmore

“It is no easy thing to rest while millions still bear the burden of poverty & insecurity”-Nelson Mandela

“You already know more about good than you currently practice…don’t try to gain more knowledge before you practice what you already see”-Fenelon

“We dishonor the image of God in diverse people when we require them to assimilate to the dominant culture in our church.”-Christena Cleveland

“We do know that no person can be saved except through Christ. We do not know that only those who know him can be saved by him”-C.S. Lewis

So those are my top 5 for the week. What are your favorite quotes?

What happens when you fast from reading the scriptures?

Posted: December 19, 2012 in bible, change, church, faith, Jesus, personal development, spirituality, Uncategorized
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You shrivel and wither and die spiritually. Not. Actually not reading the Bible for a few weeks and solely meditating and practicing the words of scripture that I knew by memory has been more challenging than I expected. One challenge is that every time I meditate on one passage the insight that I receive makes me want to look up another passage that connects with the one I am meditating on. It also makes me want to do more analytical study of the passage. The yearning for more analytical study showed me how much of following Jesus in the Western world has been reduced to the cognitive and theoretical. I would rather try to find out the “real meaning” of the verse than actually do it.

Aside from the challenges there have been many benefits to this month long scripture fast:

I have received tons of encouragement from other brothers and sisters due to the fact that I could not search the scriptures on a whim. I had to rely on other followers of Jesus to speak God’s word to me.

These past few weeks I have had the privilege of gaining new insights on passages that I have known since I was a child. This process of chewing and digesting words already stored into memory has allowed me to extract even more spiritual nutrients from the text. Being “forced” to keep the same scriptures before my mind has allowed me to see them from different perspectives.

The best benefit is being given more space to put the words of the Bible into practice. This has been also the most challenging and the most convicting. This time has allowed me to see how the most basic principles of the faith have been absent from certain areas of my life. All of my anxieties and fears and pride cannot be covered up by more knowledge. It’s hard to be distracted by my disobedience with a false sense of growth. My appetite for more information about the bible is being transformed into a an appetite for more application of the Bible. John Wimber used to say “The meat is in the street” meaning we grow in Christ as we put the words of the Bible into action. That’s hard to do when you are constantly looking for clever theological cookies in the cupboard ;)

Last but not least I got a taste of what it’s like to be a part of the persecuted and underground church. In many countries owning a Bible is illegal or at least hard to come by. Many of these followers of Jesus nourish themselves spiritually with cut out pages of the New Testament or the stories of Jesus they can remember. In the United States where bookstores carry Bibles for every marketing niche and hotels give away copies of the Bible it is easy to take God’s word for granted. During this season I am standing in solidarity with the great men and women of God who possess a strong vibrant faith in spite of not having access to the whole Bible.

This has been an amazing month of experiencing a new discipline and I’ll be glad to conclude it on Christmas Eve as I read the birth narratives in the gospels to crown up the first annual Scripture Fast :)

So what do you think?

Do you find you know more about the Bible than you actually put into practice?

What do you do when the Bible grows stale?

Have you ever thought about the fact that we have numerous Bibles in this country but so many don’t read them?

Naming My Addictions Pt 3: Sex

Posted: October 24, 2012 in bible, change, church, culture, faith, Jesus, Ministry, personal, personal development, sex, spirituality
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Sexual addiction is rampant in our society. Now when we think of a sex addict usually we think of someone having a late night rendezvous in their car or walking into a xxx shop in a trench coat and that’s where we go wrong. I believe that sometimes addictions have degrees and you don’t have to be totally gone off the deep end to have an addiction. If we have a better understanding of the way sex is understood by our brain then we can get a clear picture of a sex addict.

Many of us consciously or unconsciously see sex as a way to escape our problems. A way to lose the reality of our world and get lost in the ecstasy of orgasm. So when we feel empty inside and need a dose of self esteem then we turn to the arms of another. When we have financial worries or anxiety about our children we choose sex to soothe us and give us peace. When we don’t really know how to relate and be intimate (news flash: intimacy and sex are not the same thing) then we choose sex to avoid the pain of our inadequacy.

Let me say this: There is nothing wrong with sex. I enjoy sex as a way of expressing love to my wife but there are times when it is not so noble. There are times when it is not so much about her but about a way of escape. The reason I know this is because in her absence or when she is not available I choose others means of escaping my problems i.e. the other addictions of food, knowledge, social media etc. There is nothing wrong with sex but sex as addiction is not the best avenue to healthy human flourishing. Why? Because I believe love is the key to human flourishing (Luke 10:25-28) and when sex is an addiction the other person becomes a means to an end-a sex object-and when people are objectified love is thrown out the window.

What I do to work through this is to

Stop and pause. I ask myself the question “Why do I want sex right now?” For some that may be ludicrous. A hedonistic or materialistic viewpoint would say “You want sex because it gives you pleasure” or because “Your body needs it”. Those things may be true but they are not the whole truth. I believe a Jesus oriented understanding of the human person says that I am more than just my body.

Next I sit and evaluate my motives and the previous day’s happenings. A lot of times I will find that I am upset, stressed, or lonely and there is nothing wrong with finding a way to address those issues but usually sex doesn’t address them. It only covers them up.

Lastly I find a way to address the real issues .Whether that’s talking to my wife or getting some work done that I have procrastinated over or calling up a friend I try to come up with a real solution. This way I fix the problem instead of covering it up with sex. This isn’t fool proof but it has helped me get a handle on the most important organ of my sexuality-my heart.

Believe it or not in spite of what our sex saturated world tells us there is more to life than sex. Sex is only a part of it and I refuse to let it dominate me. I would rather let it lead me into and not away from love-the best way to be fully human and fully alive.

Side Note: Mayo Family Update

Posted: May 31, 2012 in personal, personal development, Side Note
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Side note: Mayo Family update

It’s been a while since I let folks know what’s going on with us since our move. Well here is a quick update:

Pittsburgh: We love the Burgh and have been here long enuff that it feels like home. In fact we are looking into buying a home here and have been looking for the past few months. Please pray that we find a company that will give us approval for a loan (we have found a house that is just right for us)

Kaydon: Kaydon is growing like a weed and is now potty training. It took him some time but he was motivated by being able to one day go camping with Dad. He has grown to be more verbal and has made many new friends.

Syenna: Cc is fascinated with princesses and enjoys watching The Princess and the Frog. She is very talkative and constantly adding to her vocabulary.

Yvette: Yvette is now a Jazzercise instructor and has had a full plate with taking care of the kids and her new instructor gig. She is also bringing back the lost art of letter writing. Check out her blog

Ramon: I recently completed my goals of losing 20 lbs and going on my first backpacking trip. It was amazing and I have a new sense of awe and wonder at nature and creation. I even started my own taxonomic record of all the species that I saw. The downer to the trip was that I got extremely sick and found out that I had stomach ulcers. The GI doctor put me on a strict diet and gave me some medicine so they should be healing nicely. My follow up is tomorrow.

What’s next??? Well I am currently working at Trader Joe’s but I am starting to really dig into the passion that I have for writing and will be submitting articles to various magazines as well as working on a few ebook projects. In the meantime I will continue posting on my blog and in the coming months will steer the discussion towards matters of faith and theology.

So that’s us in a nutshell. Stay tuned for more Mayo adventures :)

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Living a WYSIWYG life

Posted: May 23, 2012 in bible, change, faith, personal, personal development, spirituality
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Confession: When it comes to characters in the Bible that I admire I would have to say it’s David hands down. The passion for God, the ability to give bears, lions, and giants a good thrashin, and his amazing leadership are all something I want to emulate. But most of all it’s his authenticity with God and with people that makes him one of my favorites. That being said when I answer the question: who in the Bible am I most like? I would have to say Jacob. The liar. The manipulator. The deceiver. The supplanter. Now in my younger days it was boldfaced streaking in the park lies. Outright lies that were clearly black and white but later on I acquired a new skill. I learned how to manipulate people with my words, to give an appearance of truth. To avoid actual lying by nodding my head, using the right language, or by not saying anything at all. I learned how to be inauthentic. I learned to act like everything was ok when I was furiously raging inside (pastors are good at this). I learned to give the impression that I liked certain things just to get along and keep relationships peaceful (wives hate this). By doing all that I actually made things worse for myself and for others. Over the past few years I have been in the pursuit of living an authentic WYSIWYG life and it has been joyful and heart wrenching to reach for such a lofty goal.

The Ideal: When it comes to authenticity someone greater than David comes to mind-Jesus. Looking at the Gospels we get a close up glimpse of a life of integrity. Jesus pulled no punches whether he was addressing Pharisees, political figures, or prostitutes. He was always the same and those around him never had to guess what he was about or his feelings towards them. He truly lived a WYSIWYG life.

WYSIWYG is an acronym in the computer world for What You See Is What You Get. It describes a system in which the content you have been editing closely resembles the finished product. So instead of a lot of code you mostly get the content. That’s the way I want to live my life. How about you?

The Remedy: Like me, your life may closely resemble Jacob’s or his grandfather Abraham’s (the guy lied and said his wife was his sister just to save his own neck) and not the life of David or Jesus. The question then becomes How do I live an authentic WYSIWYG life? Here are a couple of suggestions:

Silence and solitude

Go off to the park or even the mountains. Get away to some secluded place and begin to sense who you are in God’s eyes. Most of our inauthenticity comes from an unhealthy attachment to people and detachment from God. Being in solitude and silence gives us time to be ourselves. You can’t get more authentic than that.

Root yourself in the love of God

Closely related to what was said above is rooting ourselves in the love of God. In the book of Ephesians Paul writes:

For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. (Ephesians 3:14-19 ESV)

Memorize and meditate on scripture that speaks of God’s love for you. Personalize it. Why? Most of our inauthenticity is motivated by an unhealthy hunger for the “love” of others. When we are rooted in God’s love we know the love of others is false and cannot be relied on and we can trust that our authentic self is forever loved by God.

Take action

Do something you have always wanted to do but fear has held you back. Each time that fear held you back your authentic self went into a corner to hide. It’s time to bring him or her out. Whatever that thing is stop making excuses and take action! Whether it’s learning to do martial arts or getting on stage and performing or asking that girl out face your fears and your authentic self will come shining through.

So there is my confession and hopefully some good tips for all of you fellow travelers on the journey to an authentic WYSIWYG life.

What about you, Do you have any other tips on how to become a truly authentic person?

How I found freedom from pornography

Posted: March 15, 2012 in advice/how to, culture, faith, gender, justice, overcoming obstacles, personal, personal development, sex, spirituality
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This post is dedicated to all the beautiful women who have helped me to be the man I am today; who loved me beyond what their natural eyes could see. Celebrating Women’s History Month.

It started in grade school. Just a peek through supposedly closed eyes into the lurid details of a Hollywood sex scene. No harm right (Wrong!)Boys will be boys. But wait…after several more peeks and several years later friends are bringing magazines to school and I am shocked and seduced into looking at men and women reveal something intended to be private for the public. Not just once but multiple times. My curiosity drove me to look again and again but it provoked no appetite to know the reasons a young woman would bare her body in a magazine for a gawking lust filled strangers to see.

Years after I would struggle with the enticement to view not only women’s bodies but women’s bodies performing as objects for men’s twisted fantasies. And this is the saddest part about porn and what makes it essentially vile and wrong is that it turns a woman into an object. Never in all of those times that pornography lured and enthralled me did I think: this woman on this page…on this screen…is a person. A person with emotions and intellect; joys and fears. And ultimately not only did I dehumanize her but I dehumanized myself. By seeing her as an object I limited my capacity to love. I began to see not just women but all people in terms of what they could give me. In short my ability to connect relationally was seriously short circuited.

Objectifying women is not limited to only the sexual. I realized how much this thought pattern had invaded my mind even more so once I got married. To see my wife as an object-sexual, emotional, domestic-and not as a person is a result of years of emotional detachment and wallowing in a pit of selfishness.

Many times I tried to quit cold turkey and through sheer willpower to resist the temptations to look at porn but there was no breakthrough until one night while reading my bible I realized this: it’s not about resisting temptation as much as it’s about loving your neighbor. Basic stuff right but most of the time this teaching-this mandate from Christ is often excluded from our sexuality. This is how it works in my own life. Every woman I come in contact with (whether offline, on screen, or online) is my neighbor for whom Christ died. Do to others what you want to be done to you. Every woman who is involved in pornography is somebody’s daughter. I know I don’t want people to treat my daughter as a sexual object.

It’s not just about the practice of viewing pornography. It’s about the objectification of women. Both sins of commission because one huge sin of omission: not loving. Basic but it really is about love and love can free you from anything.

“Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.” (Matthew 22:36-40 ESV)

For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die— but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:6-8 ESV)

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. (1 John 4:7, 8 ESV)

What Julie and Julia taught me about my relationship with God pt 2

Posted: March 14, 2012 in bible, faith, inspiration, personal, personal development, spirituality
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In my last post I unpacked what I learned from the movie Julie and Julia about my relationship with God. As I continue to think about it more I get more heated because of what a disservice and injustice we do when we describe relationship with God in such insanely ridiculous ways. God is not our cosmic buddy or our women’s tea conversation partner. He is wholly other.

In saying that, my intention is not to dis and dismiss the supernatural but to actually elevate it. Many times we portray relating to God with such casual familiarity that those with superior B.S. antennae can see right through it like superman x ray vision. I actually think the amazing supernatural factor in having a relationship with God is not that we can sit down and have a chat with him like we can with our ace at the cafe or the pub. The amazing thing is that this wholly other person-God-chooses to not only dwell in us but to work through us.

Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure. (Philippians 2:12, 13 ESV)

That is what is amazing about our relationship with God. He has chosen us to partner with him in the work of renovating the world inch by inch. It’s on par with us choosing an ant to paint a painting to rival the Sistine chapel. We see a glimpse of it in the journey of a young woman who dared to believe she could cook like Julia Child.

The prophet Isaiah declared the profound and utter difference between humanity and God:

For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.

For as the heavens are higher than the earth,so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. (Isaiah 55:8, 9 ESV)

John showed how God bridged that gap:

And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth. (John 1:14 ESV)

Imitating the Word made flesh is nothing like having a cosmic buddy. It is far removed from the sentiment on the semi-famous t shirt that do emphatically states “Jesus is my homeboy”. In fact, I make way more mistakes than a young woman in new York trying to imitate a master of French cuisine and along the way I see the great mystery and awe of a God who”became what we are in order to make us what he is himself.”-St. Irenaeus of Lyons. Now that’s the kind of relationship I can get into :)

What Julie and Julia taught me about my relationship with God

Posted: March 9, 2012 in advice/how to, bible, faith, personal, personal development, spirituality
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Christians say it all the time “It’s not about rules. It’s about relationship.” Many people have asked me over the years “How is your relationship with God?” Most of the time I feel quite put off by the question and don’t really know how to answer it. It’s not like we sit down at the kitchen table and have casual chatter over breakfast like me and my wife. If I had that kind of back and forth with God you would think I was nuts because….he’s invisible! No matter how many ways you slice it having a relationship with God just like the one I have with Yvette is impossible ( I am not negating the possibility of God’s guidance or hearing his audible voice only the frequency and clarity which most of us will agree is quite minimal)

But what if a relationship with God was never meant to be like the kind you have with a spouse or friend ? What if having a relationship with God is qualitatively different? This dawned on me while watching the movie Julie and Julia. While I think it was a gem of a movie I also believe it can give us a framework on how a relationship with God (an invisible intangible being) is supposed to work.

In the movie Julie and Julia a young woman named Julie is inspired to cook every recipe in Julia Child’s cookbook Mastering the Art of French Cooking. Along the way she encounters trials, disappointments, joys, and victories while becoming closer to Julia Child as she pursues this discipline. Throughout the movie we see her become changed and transformed by following in the footsteps of someone who is not around. And the movie begins to hint that although these women lived worlds apart they are connected. But how??? Julie connected to Julia by doing what she did. Although it was a different time and place she cooked the same meals that Julia Child cooked and their relationship was based on those shared practices. In the movie Julia Child was even upset with Julie but it still did not negate the relationship that was formed through those shared practices. In fact Julie was so connected and moved by imitating Julia Child’s cooking that she offered butter (worship) at Child’s Smithsonian exhibit.

And before you think I’m way out there using movies as my Bible let me go to the text to cap it all off:

And by this we know that we have come to know him, if we keep his commandments. (1 John 2:3 ESV)

whoever says he abides in him ought to walk in the same way in which he walked. (1 John 2:6 ESV)

Julie got closer to Julia by cooking her recipes and imitating her practices. In the same way we get closer to God by doing his commandments and imitating his practices. Walking in the same way that he walked while here on earth.

An update on me and the fam

Posted: March 6, 2012 in inspiration, personal, personal development, sabbath, spirituality
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Blog! Oh how I have missed u blog. U have constantly been on my mind and have been the muse for all sorts of ideas and creativity. Although I had to pause and take a break from u in order to concentrate on some other things. No disrespect but a brotha gotta get his grind on.

Well….I’m now reentering the blogosphere and wanted to give those of you who so desired an update on me and the fam:

1. It’s been four months here in Pittsburgh and one of the mildest winters ever. I think God sent a memo to mother nature to go easy on this Cali boy. It’s been snowing but we have not been visited by any blizzards.

Right now we r keeping ourselves busy with multiple things as we sort out what is next for us. Yvette is now being trained as a Jazzercise instructor and is making progress towards her fitness goals. I am working at Trader Joes and gearing up to apply to schools for a PhD in theology, religion, or related field. I am also making progress with my fitness goals and have lost 12 lbs since late December. Kaydon and Syenna are growing fast and love to go to the library and Grandma’s house (she lets them watch tv :)

Right now we are definitely in need of prayer for direction but underneath all that is a greater need for healing. We realize that over the years we have accumulated so many failures and disappointments that it casts a negative shadow of doubt on any decision we make. Trusting God now is a matter of committing our will and standing on sure ground instead of a surge of excitement that leads to new and unexpected places. Some call this maturity but no matter how u slice it maturity hurts.

2. On another note I started this blog in order to take a break and get my head together. I realize how foolish that was. My head is ok. It is my heart that needs a tune up. With that being said I will be posting more frequently on my big three subjects: faith, culture, and justice. I will still post about random things I am learning and give updates on the fam but for the most part. It’s faith, culture, and justice. These r the words that encompass what I love to speak and write about and I definitely have some new perspectives in those areas. Real talk. I gotta bounce but stay tuned for a new blog look and some new posts coming your way

Why and how I celebrate black history month

Posted: February 29, 2012 in inspiration, personal development, spirituality
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Black history month is over. Living black history continues on. This month was the first time that I realized the importance of stoping ordinary chronos time and stepping into kairos time to reflect on the legacy and contribution of my ancestors. Many have said why should we have a black history month and not a white history month. Without getting into the argument about the origins and purpose of black history month I do want to state why I celebrate it and how it functions as an empowering tradition for me.

In the past couple of years I have been reawakened to my blackness after several years of being a missionary/cultural insider within a multicultural setting dominated by white cultural hegemony (translation: a black man who worked with all types of ethnicities and cultures although most of us shared a common connection with white culture). In order to not become uprooted from the reality of who I am while at the same time being immersed in pluralistic America black history month is an oasis of refreshment. Celebrating it has developed into a tradition that I now participate in on a yearly basis:

1. Read books about African American history, life, culture etc. Last year I read Carter G. Woodson’s Miseducation of the negro

This year I read three books (lots of time on my hands):

Souls of Black Folk by W.E.B. Dubois

Disintegration by Eugene Robinson

The Persistence of the Color Line by Randall Kennedy

2. Speak out the names of the ancestors. This is significant for me as I have learned the importance of remembering where I come from and keeping alive the names of those who have gone before me.

3. Create a work of art to honor my history and my people. This year I wrote a poem calling out the names of the great ones that have gone before me (to be posted at a later date). This poem is something that will continue to empower me through the struggles and trials that life throws at me. It will also keep me tethered to my roots and not allow me to forget where I come from.

And that’s why I celebrate black history: to find strength in the struggles of those who have gone before me and to remind myself that I come from greatness and nothing less is expected of me.

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