Archive for the ‘personal’ Category

Post-Valentine’s Day Thoughts: Four Loves in One Woman

Posted: February 15, 2013 in faith, inspiration, personal, Side Note, spirituality
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,
0

C.S. Lewis wrote a book entitled “The Four Loves”. In the book he defines and critiques the four different loves experienced by all of us as humans and concludes that while the first three loves have their virtues they can also be distorted by our sinful natures (yes you do have one). He promotes and extols agape love as the highest and best form of love.

Eros, phileo, storge, and agape. I have experienced all of those loves in one woman: My wife Yvette

Eros came easy. She is a brown skinned beauty with a smile that lights up my world like the stars in a clear desert sky. One look and I want to hold her and caress her. She draws me to her with the sparkle in her eyes and the curves of her hips.

Phileo was what drew us together. Taking long walks in the neighborhood and talking about everything from musical tastes to how children should be raised. Watching Star Wars and cooking in the kitchen. We have faced life side by side as friends.

Storge grew into our marriage as we became familiar with each other as family. We know each others different faults and flaws. The things that make us goofy and imperfect. We could not bear not to have the other person around.

But Agape is where love has grown the most. In the times where I have totally wrecked a conversation. Totally wrecked our day. Totally wrecked our marriage. She has given me a love that was not her own but love that came from God himself. It has awed and floored me how many times she has forgiven me and shown kindness not because of any merit of my own but because she loves me unconditionally. This is love that can promise to be with a person for a lifetime. This is love that can give something greater than chocolates and flowers and lingerie. It is a love that says I love you until the end of time and when time is done this type of love will swallow up all the others into eternity.

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

1 Corinthians 13:1-13

Mayo Family Update January 2013

Posted: January 17, 2013 in Ministry, personal, racism, Side Note
Tags: , , ,
2

20130116-184502.jpg

Our holidays were great and we all experienced our first time as a family playing in the snow. The kids had a blast and I did too ;)

It is a new years and we have some new things on the horizon. First off we are expecting a third unnamed Mayo in the house in July! Yes Yvette is pregnant. She is in her 16th week and we have been anticipating what this new little person is going to be like. Boy or girl? Introvert or extrovert? All we know is that this new little person will surprise us :)

Secondly, my book His Story, Our Story will be published through Amazon on January 31st. It is a 31 day devotional focusing on unique figures in black history and how we can learn about God through their lives. I’m so excited to be able to make this available as my first attempt at being published. It definitely will not be my last.

Lastly, we are going to Buffalo this coming MLK weekend to participate in a forum focused on providing solutions to racism. I will also be speaking at the Vineyard church in Buffalo on Sunday and hanging out with the leaders. I believe it is the beginning of God allowing me to speak into this topic and there will be more to come.

All in all we have had a very rough 2012 and we are looking forward to a much more joyous and fruitful 2013.

Prayer requests:

Please pray for Yvette and the baby. Yvette has been sick with a cold for the last two weeks. Pray for her complete healing.

Please pray for protection, good weather, and health for all of us as we travel to Buffalo. Please pray that God does something amazing in that city through our efforts there.

Please pray for my book. My desire is to see it in the hands of not only African Americans but people of all races and that it would lead to greater understanding of God and each other.

Thank you! Gracias! Merci! Dhanyavad! Shieh shieh! Ameseginalehu!

Naming my Addictions Pt 5 1/2: Social media continued

Posted: December 4, 2012 in change, culture, faith, Jesus, overcoming obstacles, personal, spirituality
Tags: , , , , , , ,
0

20121203-201310.jpgMy precious

Lord Jesus Christ have mercy on me a sinner. That’s all I got to say….

Five lessons I learned writing the first draft of His Story, Our Story

Posted: November 29, 2012 in art, focus, goals, inspiration, life hack, overcoming obstacles, personal
Tags: , , , , , ,
5

It has been a very exciting journey to go from a random thought in my mind to actually pursuing writing an ebook called His Story, Our Story I am on a very steep learning curve and still am learning about marketing and all the business/technical aspects of writing. In the process of going from idea to reality and writing my first draft I have learned many lessons here are five of them:

All it takes is a page a day

Writing a book of any size can be daunting. I have always put it off because I was afraid I wouldn’t finish or I would end up writing until I was an AARP member. I intentionally started with a small ebook because of this challenge but I learned a secret. You can do a lot if you just write a page a day. If you write a page a day you can at least have 30 pages in a month, 90 pages in 3 months, and 180 pages in six months. On and on it goes until…Voila you have something to publish. Just start with one page a day and usually you actually write more than that. There’s something about that bare minimum that leave no room for failure and unlimited potential to write your heart out.

Write and then revise

Not only is one page a day doable but one crappy page a day is doable. I think these words should be posted on every author’s walls: Write and then revise. I got so much momentum going by just sitting in front of the computer and typing away. Some of it was horrible. Well guess what? Now in the editing stages what was considered horrible has now been revised into something readable.

Make this your life

You have to focus. This is where the rubber hits the road and separates the men from the boys and the dreamers from the doers. Throughout the time writing my first draft I was distracted by numerous things. Some of them good. Some of them not so good. All of them keeping me from my best. So here’s how I eliminated the distractions. I woke up not to go to work or to take care of all the other things that I had to do. I woke up to do what I wanted to do: write. I had my laptop set up so before I left the house I wrote. I made it my life.

Involve others in the early stages

The one thing that changed the game for me was letting people know what I was doing. Good old fashioned pride took care of the rest. It started with my wife. Then a couple of close friends. Then I let social media do its thing and then I had an obligation. Not only to myself but to the people who wanted to see me succeed. That’s some powerful motivation

Save your work

Here is the big lesson that I am learning now as I am putting the finishing touches on everything. While revising chapters I realized that some pages and paragraphs were missing. I was sure that I wrote them. What happened? I forgot to press save. Save your work is my next most important mantra. If I would have saved my work I wouldn’t have to go and remember what I actually wrote or come up with something new. Wasted time.

So those are my five lessons. What are some lessons you have learned in the writing process? Do you have any mantras or guidelines that keep you focused and creatively pursuing your art?

Naming my Addictions Pt 5: Social Media

Posted: November 14, 2012 in advice/how to, bible, change, faith, personal, spirituality, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,
1

This past May I went backpacking in Allegheny National Forest. I packed everything I needed. Tent. Check. Water bottle. Check. Sleeping bag. Check. Phone. Check??? On the way to the trail me and my buddy stopped at a gas station. While in the bathroom I checked my pockets for my phone and I realized that I had left it in the car. In that moment I also realized that reaching for my phone has now become a reflex action. When there is nothing to do the phone is what to do. When there is silence I pull out my phone. When there are people around I pull out my phone. It has become my automatic response.

Yes like all of us I have contracted that dreadful disease Iphonitis! Constantly looking at my Facebook, Twitter, and email has become the mode of my existence. Luckily I haven’t gotten into any other social media apps or I probably would not get out of bed or get dressed. This is the one addiction that I have no embarrassment about. The reason is because I see everyone else possessed with this same addiction. It has become a part of the landscape. Maybe that’s why this one is probably more fundamentally dangerous to our health and well being. When something is ubiquitous it can easily affect you unawares and self awareness is the first step in transformation. While social media is a good thing; social media addiction is not and here are two reasons why:

1) It gives us the illusion of omnipresence. Through our mobile devices and laptops we get access to people who are thousands of miles away. It’s almost like being there. Almost. We are not there and yet this drive to be “there” consistently takes us to social media and away from the real life we need to be experiencing now. It takes us away from the work that we need to be doing now. It takes us away from the relationships we need to be cultivating now. In short, it takes us away from the most important moment in the world which is….now

2) It gives us the illusion of omniscience. By becoming voyeurs into other people’s lives we are tricked into thinking that we have intimacy (which carries the connotation of knowledge) with them. We may be deceived into thinking that we know people because of what they have posted on their profile. In actuality all we know is their profile. Real intimacy is gained through years of shared laughter, tears, sweat, and even silence. Even in this there is no sure bet that you really know another human being.

Now I try to curb this addiction by limiting my Facebook, Twitter, and email time to twice a day. Then at least I have some kind of limit to how much time I spend on social media but lately I have really slipped on that especially coming home and feeling tired from work. I usually slip into becoming a voyeur into other people’s lives and not really doing what’s needed right now in my own life (like going to bed). It’s a challenge and I don’t foresee it getting easier with the invention of so much technology we will become even more connected/disconnected and I am hoping that the church finds a way to address this aspect of our culture. In the meantime I will strive to live a meaningful life with those around me right now rather than get sucked into the social media matrix.

What do you think? How do you limit social media’s negative effects in your life? Do you think it contributes or takes away from relationships?

Naming My Addictions Pt 3: Sex

Posted: October 24, 2012 in bible, change, church, culture, faith, Jesus, Ministry, personal, personal development, sex, spirituality
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,
4

Sexual addiction is rampant in our society. Now when we think of a sex addict usually we think of someone having a late night rendezvous in their car or walking into a xxx shop in a trench coat and that’s where we go wrong. I believe that sometimes addictions have degrees and you don’t have to be totally gone off the deep end to have an addiction. If we have a better understanding of the way sex is understood by our brain then we can get a clear picture of a sex addict.

Many of us consciously or unconsciously see sex as a way to escape our problems. A way to lose the reality of our world and get lost in the ecstasy of orgasm. So when we feel empty inside and need a dose of self esteem then we turn to the arms of another. When we have financial worries or anxiety about our children we choose sex to soothe us and give us peace. When we don’t really know how to relate and be intimate (news flash: intimacy and sex are not the same thing) then we choose sex to avoid the pain of our inadequacy.

Let me say this: There is nothing wrong with sex. I enjoy sex as a way of expressing love to my wife but there are times when it is not so noble. There are times when it is not so much about her but about a way of escape. The reason I know this is because in her absence or when she is not available I choose others means of escaping my problems i.e. the other addictions of food, knowledge, social media etc. There is nothing wrong with sex but sex as addiction is not the best avenue to healthy human flourishing. Why? Because I believe love is the key to human flourishing (Luke 10:25-28) and when sex is an addiction the other person becomes a means to an end-a sex object-and when people are objectified love is thrown out the window.

What I do to work through this is to

Stop and pause. I ask myself the question “Why do I want sex right now?” For some that may be ludicrous. A hedonistic or materialistic viewpoint would say “You want sex because it gives you pleasure” or because “Your body needs it”. Those things may be true but they are not the whole truth. I believe a Jesus oriented understanding of the human person says that I am more than just my body.

Next I sit and evaluate my motives and the previous day’s happenings. A lot of times I will find that I am upset, stressed, or lonely and there is nothing wrong with finding a way to address those issues but usually sex doesn’t address them. It only covers them up.

Lastly I find a way to address the real issues .Whether that’s talking to my wife or getting some work done that I have procrastinated over or calling up a friend I try to come up with a real solution. This way I fix the problem instead of covering it up with sex. This isn’t fool proof but it has helped me get a handle on the most important organ of my sexuality-my heart.

Believe it or not in spite of what our sex saturated world tells us there is more to life than sex. Sex is only a part of it and I refuse to let it dominate me. I would rather let it lead me into and not away from love-the best way to be fully human and fully alive.

Mayo Family Update

Posted: October 18, 2012 in about, Ministry, personal
Tags: , , , ,
0

Just in case you were wondering what was going on with us….

20121017-195719.jpg

Kaydon and Syenna

Kaydon is going to preschool now! He took a little time getting used to it but now he shoos me away when I drop him off. He also loves to do homework. We’ll see how long that lasts….

Syenna is happy to get a little more attention from Mom and Dad. She also just started taking her first steps in being potty trained and is into everything that has to do with princesses.

Yvette

Yvette just qualified to be a Jazzercise high impact instructor! It was tough but she did it against some impossible odds. Yvette continues to inspire the ladies at Carnegie Jazzercise and has recently done demos for a church festival and a youth group.

Ramon

As for me I am revising my initial business plan and instead of copywriting I am going to just write freelance articles and see where it takes me. It’s something that I know how to do so the learning curve is not as steep. In line with the new direction I’m taking with writing I am about to finish writing my first ebook and hopefully it will be published by December. As of now it is untitled but it is going to be a devotional book based on significant figures in African American history.

We are also continuing to pray about the next steps in ministry God wants us to take here in Pittsburgh or beyond. We definitely are at a loss as to what he has in mind but we trust that it will be above and beyond what we can ask, think, or imagine.

Naming my addictions pt 2: Knowledge

Posted: October 4, 2012 in bible, change, faith, Jesus, life hack, overcoming obstacles, personal, spirituality
Tags: , , , , , ,
0

Addiction #1 Knowledge

One of my earliest memories and probably some of the earliest memories extended family have of me as a kid is of me opening up encyclopedias in my grandparents den while all the other kids are playing outside. While they were first hand experiencing the world around them I was on a pursuit to unlock the secrets of the universe. That has always been my natural bent. Although I would have to say it wasn’t that natural.

It was the result of a wound. When I was four my Mom and Dad separated (thank God and his grace that they came back together when I was ten). Because of the separation I felt extremely powerless. If I couldn’t stop this from happening then what else was I vulnerable to. How come I didn’t know how to stop it? So the quest for knowledge began. And it only got deeper when I encountered R rated movies, puberty, and wouldn’t you know it…Christianity.

The result was that I became addicted to collecting useless facts and avoiding testing them out in real life. I read about different things but wouldn’t do them. I would watch a movie about something that I was interested in but think of all the reasons why I couldn’t do it. Then later I would buy a book about the same thing-like that would get me to actually do something about it. My thinking went something like this: “If I learn more about it then I will be competent enough to do it.” The only problem is I was always in a deficit when it came to competence. Competence=self worth. This addiction led me to collect useless info and trivial knowledge in order to fill the emptiness I had inside because of my lack of taking action.

The remedy. Slowly but surely I began to experience life and whenever I felt like I needed to learn something instead of turning to a book I turned to a friend or mentor and got hands on experience. This was a direct result of discovering a profound truth: Just because I know facts about God doesn’t mean I know God. The apostle John refers to Jesus in 1 John 2:3 and says that “by this we know that we have come to know him, if we keep his commandments”. This same principle can be applied to just about everything else in life. Just because I know facts about something doesn’t mean I know it. So I still read books and surf the net but nowadays experiencing truth is more of a priority than collecting useless knowledge.

Naming my addictions pt 1

Posted: August 27, 2012 in bible, culture, faith, personal, spirituality
Tags: , , , , , ,
1

I remember seeing them about once every week. Crackheads. Junkies. Addicts. This isn’t that hard when you grow up in back of a crack motel. The Wagon Wheel was the name of it and all along Atlantic Boulevard were the emaciated bodies of countless victims of crack and heroin. They would walk at an accelerated pace. Scratching frantically. Looking through you with glassed over eyes. Sometimes begging for change or selling obviously stolen goods. And you pitied them.

Years later I realize there is not that much difference between us. The only difference is our drug of choice. I am an addict. We are all addicts. We all reach for things that make us feel not so lonely. Not so worthless. Not so abandoned and left to ourselves. We all have a hunger and a thirst in our hearts that need to be satisfied. We are all trying to medicate the pain. I choose food, knowledge, sex, and now social media. And the only difference between these and crack cocaine is the physical intensity and the stigma. Some addictions are more socially acceptable than others. So rather than be unaware or live in denial I will name my addictions. Because in naming themI will bring them to light and take away their power. Not just for me but for all of us because we all are addicts in one way or another.

To be continued……

Why I haven’t given up on church

Posted: August 25, 2012 in bible, church, faith, personal, spirituality
Tags: , , , , , , , ,
2
    After seeing so much failure and disappointment some have chosen to drop out of attending church in whatever shape or form. The weight of a group not living up to its own standards or the empty meaninglessness of their own tradition had proven to be too much. So instead of being overwhelmed and capsized they have chosen to abandon ship. I understand their dilemma and their angst but I can’t say that I agree with their solution.
    I can’t give up on church because our growth in our faith is explicitly tied to being a part of a community that spurs us on to love each other and love God. And the only way to know that I am doing either is to walk this journey with real flesh and blood people. God has given us the opportunity to do that through gathering a bunch of folks together who can argue, disagree, backstab, gossip, and generally say some of the dumbest things that can be said. That’s a laboratory for love if I ever heard of one.
    I can’t give up on the church because she is Jesus’ bride. The church is broken. The church has done some pretty messed up things. The church can seem petty, backwards, and trivial but the issue at stake is that Jesus loved the church. He loved her so much that he died for her and bought her with his own blood (Acts 20:28). The church is valuable to Jesus so it is valuable to me
    I can’t give up on the church because if I give up on the church then I give up on myself. I judge others for things that I do and end up sitting in the same seat of condemnation (Matthew 7:1-5). It locks me up in self righteousness and keeps me away from grace and acceptance.
    So instead of giving up on church I have decided to love the church, warts and all. Love the tradition. Love the people. Love the weakness. Love the faults and flaws. And the only way I can do that is to lower my expectations. To recognize that the only way to love the church is to love Jesus even more. To love him because he is my Life (Colossians 3:4) and that because we live in this present age with flawed human beings they will disappoint and not live up to my expectations.
    That being said I won’t bury myself in church work or events. I won’t always jump to defend the church. And I’m working on not getting so upset when some person or group in the church does something I don’t agree with. Why? Because I love the church but I love Jesus more and she will never become an addiction again.
Older Entries