Posts Tagged ‘addiction’

Naming my Addictions Pt 5 1/2: Social media continued

Posted: December 4, 2012 in change, culture, faith, Jesus, overcoming obstacles, personal, spirituality
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20121203-201310.jpgMy precious

Lord Jesus Christ have mercy on me a sinner. That’s all I got to say….

Naming my Addictions Pt 5: Social Media

Posted: November 14, 2012 in advice/how to, bible, change, faith, personal, spirituality, Uncategorized
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This past May I went backpacking in Allegheny National Forest. I packed everything I needed. Tent. Check. Water bottle. Check. Sleeping bag. Check. Phone. Check??? On the way to the trail me and my buddy stopped at a gas station. While in the bathroom I checked my pockets for my phone and I realized that I had left it in the car. In that moment I also realized that reaching for my phone has now become a reflex action. When there is nothing to do the phone is what to do. When there is silence I pull out my phone. When there are people around I pull out my phone. It has become my automatic response.

Yes like all of us I have contracted that dreadful disease Iphonitis! Constantly looking at my Facebook, Twitter, and email has become the mode of my existence. Luckily I haven’t gotten into any other social media apps or I probably would not get out of bed or get dressed. This is the one addiction that I have no embarrassment about. The reason is because I see everyone else possessed with this same addiction. It has become a part of the landscape. Maybe that’s why this one is probably more fundamentally dangerous to our health and well being. When something is ubiquitous it can easily affect you unawares and self awareness is the first step in transformation. While social media is a good thing; social media addiction is not and here are two reasons why:

1) It gives us the illusion of omnipresence. Through our mobile devices and laptops we get access to people who are thousands of miles away. It’s almost like being there. Almost. We are not there and yet this drive to be “there” consistently takes us to social media and away from the real life we need to be experiencing now. It takes us away from the work that we need to be doing now. It takes us away from the relationships we need to be cultivating now. In short, it takes us away from the most important moment in the world which is….now

2) It gives us the illusion of omniscience. By becoming voyeurs into other people’s lives we are tricked into thinking that we have intimacy (which carries the connotation of knowledge) with them. We may be deceived into thinking that we know people because of what they have posted on their profile. In actuality all we know is their profile. Real intimacy is gained through years of shared laughter, tears, sweat, and even silence. Even in this there is no sure bet that you really know another human being.

Now I try to curb this addiction by limiting my Facebook, Twitter, and email time to twice a day. Then at least I have some kind of limit to how much time I spend on social media but lately I have really slipped on that especially coming home and feeling tired from work. I usually slip into becoming a voyeur into other people’s lives and not really doing what’s needed right now in my own life (like going to bed). It’s a challenge and I don’t foresee it getting easier with the invention of so much technology we will become even more connected/disconnected and I am hoping that the church finds a way to address this aspect of our culture. In the meantime I will strive to live a meaningful life with those around me right now rather than get sucked into the social media matrix.

What do you think? How do you limit social media’s negative effects in your life? Do you think it contributes or takes away from relationships?

Naming my addictions Pt 4: Food

Posted: October 30, 2012 in bible, change, culture, faith, Jesus, spirituality
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This is number four in a five part series. Read the 3rd installment here

Brazilian churrascaria. Ethiopian doro wot. Cornish hens and rice. Coconut cake. Yes I love food. I love it in an unhealthy “get your name tattooed on my chest after only 2 weeks of dating” kind of way. It definitely is an Achilles heel and a major weakness. When things get tough I make a b line to the three things our bodies are hard wired for: fat, salt, and sugar. One night during a time of intense stress I ate a whole quart of ice cream. Enough said.

The reason why it is so easy for me to go to food for for an escape is that this addiction goes in the category of acceptable vices. I mean the church seems to condone it. When was the last time you heard a sermon on gluttony. I have never heard a sermon or even a casual mention from the pulpit and yet this vice of all the others is the most widespread. And when it’s time to do something together most churches get people together…to eat. See I’m not just talking about being obese. I believe obesity is just a symptom of our overall food addiction.To put it simply food has become a drug and not just fuel for survival.

There are many ways I am choosing to break free from the cycle. Eating more veggies and grains. Also when it comes to eating sweets and desserts I choose smaller portions. The best way to combat the addiction to food is by being aware. Aware of my emotions in the moment I want to scarf something down. Answering the question “Why am I eating?” is the most important thing to do in battling this addiction. While being hooked on sugar, salt, and fat it’s hard to distinguish true hunger from wanting to escape through my taste buds. So asking that question gives me a chance to pause and dig deep into my motives and discover what I am truly hungry for. And hunger deep in the soul is behind all addiction. Don’t you think?

Naming My Addictions Pt 3: Sex

Posted: October 24, 2012 in bible, change, church, culture, faith, Jesus, Ministry, personal, personal development, sex, spirituality
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Sexual addiction is rampant in our society. Now when we think of a sex addict usually we think of someone having a late night rendezvous in their car or walking into a xxx shop in a trench coat and that’s where we go wrong. I believe that sometimes addictions have degrees and you don’t have to be totally gone off the deep end to have an addiction. If we have a better understanding of the way sex is understood by our brain then we can get a clear picture of a sex addict.

Many of us consciously or unconsciously see sex as a way to escape our problems. A way to lose the reality of our world and get lost in the ecstasy of orgasm. So when we feel empty inside and need a dose of self esteem then we turn to the arms of another. When we have financial worries or anxiety about our children we choose sex to soothe us and give us peace. When we don’t really know how to relate and be intimate (news flash: intimacy and sex are not the same thing) then we choose sex to avoid the pain of our inadequacy.

Let me say this: There is nothing wrong with sex. I enjoy sex as a way of expressing love to my wife but there are times when it is not so noble. There are times when it is not so much about her but about a way of escape. The reason I know this is because in her absence or when she is not available I choose others means of escaping my problems i.e. the other addictions of food, knowledge, social media etc. There is nothing wrong with sex but sex as addiction is not the best avenue to healthy human flourishing. Why? Because I believe love is the key to human flourishing (Luke 10:25-28) and when sex is an addiction the other person becomes a means to an end-a sex object-and when people are objectified love is thrown out the window.

What I do to work through this is to

Stop and pause. I ask myself the question “Why do I want sex right now?” For some that may be ludicrous. A hedonistic or materialistic viewpoint would say “You want sex because it gives you pleasure” or because “Your body needs it”. Those things may be true but they are not the whole truth. I believe a Jesus oriented understanding of the human person says that I am more than just my body.

Next I sit and evaluate my motives and the previous day’s happenings. A lot of times I will find that I am upset, stressed, or lonely and there is nothing wrong with finding a way to address those issues but usually sex doesn’t address them. It only covers them up.

Lastly I find a way to address the real issues .Whether that’s talking to my wife or getting some work done that I have procrastinated over or calling up a friend I try to come up with a real solution. This way I fix the problem instead of covering it up with sex. This isn’t fool proof but it has helped me get a handle on the most important organ of my sexuality-my heart.

Believe it or not in spite of what our sex saturated world tells us there is more to life than sex. Sex is only a part of it and I refuse to let it dominate me. I would rather let it lead me into and not away from love-the best way to be fully human and fully alive.

Naming my addictions pt 2: Knowledge

Posted: October 4, 2012 in bible, change, faith, Jesus, life hack, overcoming obstacles, personal, spirituality
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Addiction #1 Knowledge

One of my earliest memories and probably some of the earliest memories extended family have of me as a kid is of me opening up encyclopedias in my grandparents den while all the other kids are playing outside. While they were first hand experiencing the world around them I was on a pursuit to unlock the secrets of the universe. That has always been my natural bent. Although I would have to say it wasn’t that natural.

It was the result of a wound. When I was four my Mom and Dad separated (thank God and his grace that they came back together when I was ten). Because of the separation I felt extremely powerless. If I couldn’t stop this from happening then what else was I vulnerable to. How come I didn’t know how to stop it? So the quest for knowledge began. And it only got deeper when I encountered R rated movies, puberty, and wouldn’t you know it…Christianity.

The result was that I became addicted to collecting useless facts and avoiding testing them out in real life. I read about different things but wouldn’t do them. I would watch a movie about something that I was interested in but think of all the reasons why I couldn’t do it. Then later I would buy a book about the same thing-like that would get me to actually do something about it. My thinking went something like this: “If I learn more about it then I will be competent enough to do it.” The only problem is I was always in a deficit when it came to competence. Competence=self worth. This addiction led me to collect useless info and trivial knowledge in order to fill the emptiness I had inside because of my lack of taking action.

The remedy. Slowly but surely I began to experience life and whenever I felt like I needed to learn something instead of turning to a book I turned to a friend or mentor and got hands on experience. This was a direct result of discovering a profound truth: Just because I know facts about God doesn’t mean I know God. The apostle John refers to Jesus in 1 John 2:3 and says that “by this we know that we have come to know him, if we keep his commandments”. This same principle can be applied to just about everything else in life. Just because I know facts about something doesn’t mean I know it. So I still read books and surf the net but nowadays experiencing truth is more of a priority than collecting useless knowledge.

Naming my addictions pt 1

Posted: August 27, 2012 in bible, culture, faith, personal, spirituality
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I remember seeing them about once every week. Crackheads. Junkies. Addicts. This isn’t that hard when you grow up in back of a crack motel. The Wagon Wheel was the name of it and all along Atlantic Boulevard were the emaciated bodies of countless victims of crack and heroin. They would walk at an accelerated pace. Scratching frantically. Looking through you with glassed over eyes. Sometimes begging for change or selling obviously stolen goods. And you pitied them.

Years later I realize there is not that much difference between us. The only difference is our drug of choice. I am an addict. We are all addicts. We all reach for things that make us feel not so lonely. Not so worthless. Not so abandoned and left to ourselves. We all have a hunger and a thirst in our hearts that need to be satisfied. We are all trying to medicate the pain. I choose food, knowledge, sex, and now social media. And the only difference between these and crack cocaine is the physical intensity and the stigma. Some addictions are more socially acceptable than others. So rather than be unaware or live in denial I will name my addictions. Because in naming themI will bring them to light and take away their power. Not just for me but for all of us because we all are addicts in one way or another.

To be continued……

What social media and alcohol have in common

Posted: July 26, 2012 in bible, culture, faith, spirituality
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Alcoholic beverages have been around for thousands of years and they are a part of our history as humans. Social media has been around for several years and it’s popularity is steadily growing. Although one is an ancient drink and the other a modern day technological invention they both share a few things in common:

Both fall into the category of gray areas:

Alcohol is fermented grains. It does not have a heart or soul and therefore it is morally neutral. Drinking alcohol would fall into what many call a “gray area”. The same could be said of Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest or whatever social media you are into. Morally neutral.

Both can be a means to interact with others.

Social drinking is what we do on special occasions and when we go out with friends. It helps us relax and talking about how good the Guiness or Pinot noir aids in small talk.

The same can be said of social media. It also helps us connect with folks who are far away from us and it relaxes us to see some of the humorous and sometimes insightful videos, statuses, tweets and comments

Both can be abused. The Bible has considerable warnings against abusing alcohol and liquor. This is because too much of it can overwhelm our senses and sense of judgment. Too much of a good thing is not a good thing.

The same can be said for social media. While it cannot overpower us like alcohol it can lead us to disconnect from the real world and avoid living life. We can also steal time from our work as we are on someone else’s clock.

Both can be used for good. At the same time alcohol can be used for good. That’s why Jesus turned water into wine at a wedding (John 2:1-11) The writer of Ecclesiastes encourages us to enjoy wine (Ecclesiastes 9:7) and Paul tells his young protege Timothy to take a little wine for his stomach (1 Timothy 5:23)

In the same way, social media can be used for good like a viral YouTube video that rallies thousands to a cause or a blog post that enlightens or mind on a subject or a tweet that directs us to a special bargain.

So alcohol and social media have a lot in common. They both are gray areas. They both help us interact with others. They both can be abused. They both can be used for good. They both need to be consumed in moderation